[轉錄][專欄] 閃開! 讓專業的來! 俠客再臨!
※ [本文轉錄自 NBA 看板]
作者: celestial318 (強尼) 看板: NBA
標題: [專欄] 閃開! 讓專業的來! 俠客再臨!
時間: Wed Mar 4 14:05:56 2009
http://www.nba.com/2009/news/features/03/03/thomas.shaq.20090303/index.html
Yeah, Shaq is back ... back to making big men whimper. I think I saw Pau Gasol
's upper lip quiver after Shaq dropped one of those mountainous shoulders into
the Spaniard's chest. He lit up Gasol, D.J. Mbenga and any Laker taller than 80
inches for 33 points. A couple days earlier Shaq bullied his way to 45 points
against a petrified Raptors squad. He'd bang into Chris Bosh, who'd collapse
into a horizontal V, or wheel into the lane and watch cats get out the way.
是的，各位觀眾，那支專門讓禁區大個哭哭的大鯊魚又回來了。對戰湖人時，若可以將鏡
頭zoom in 100倍，我們可以發現當鯊魚那寬闊的肩膀陷入砲枷鎖柔嫩的胸口時，這位西
班牙一哥的上唇顫抖著，分不清楚是歡愉抑或痛楚。雖然這場湖人的長人們表現不差，砲
哥與Sloth總計合得了30分，卻依舊無法與鯊魚的33分比肩。再往前幾天，對戰暴龍時
鯊魚更是鯊很大! 從目瞪口呆的暴龍口中取得了45分11籃板的成績。暴龍一哥波許防守
鯊魚的下場便是被毆飛在地，而其他人只能在鯊魚開坦克進入禁區時乖乖讓路並為其搖旗
吶喊。
After the game, Bosh went the buster route and complained about Shaq camping
out in the lane. So how did Shaq respond? Diesel called Bosh "the RuPaul of
big men." Yes!! Shaq had a day to process what he obviously deemed
disrespectful, cowardly hubris and came up with his perfect pop-culture
touchstone. In other words, Shaq thinks Bosh is a man acting like a woman when
it comes to what goes down in the trenches. Diesel has dropped some priceless
gems before, but he might never top that one.
比賽結束後，波許雖然硬碰硬吃了大虧，但不甘心的他便採取了由ptt上所習得的技能:
嘴砲level 1試圖進行反擊。"我知道他年老體衰跑不動了，但整場在三秒區內休息是三
小? 可以這樣的話林北拿個81分也不是什麼難事阿。" 但波許卻忘了他所面對的乃是嘴砲
界的大師，實力遠在booth之上的大歐。"這娘們兒，想嘴砲也不看對象，回去練個十年再
來吧!" 在鯊魚眼中，波許在場上的模樣或許娘的可愛，卻絲毫吸引不了他，而被大歐最經
典的批評之一cite為reference的RuPaul，心中想必是五味雜陳。
It's what he said next, however, that may be Shaq's most self-aware and
deservedly self-reverent statement of his career: "Make 'em quit and complain.
It's what I do." Yeah, he does.
然而鐵漢也有柔情，嘴泡成為習慣的大歐卻也有嚴肅的一面。"我的行為一向只有一個動機
:打爆對手，讓他們只能上黑特砍我。"
ChrisBosh □ [超幹] 只會靠裁判 還罵林北娘
Shaq turned a generation of big men into whimpering babies when they played him
. ("He keeps dropping his shoulder!" "He keeps initiating contact!" "He's so
big what do you want me to do?!" "If I can't foul him, how can I stop him?!
This is unfair!") Adonises would get about six minutes of Shaq, throw up their
hands and quit. He was more than dominant. He was frightening and demoralizing.
In fact, Shaq basically voided the center position for a good 10 years. If Shaq
never existed, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Rasheed Wallace, Chris Webber, Zach
Randolph, Al Jefferson -- a lot of dudes 6-foot-10 and bigger, probably --
would have played center their whole careers. I've never been able to get a
coach or exec to corroborate this theory, but it's true. I know it is. And I'm
not the only who believes this to be the case.
鯊魚在與新世代的長人比劃時常將他們打的叫不敢。以下是來自受害者的怒吼: "折凳算什
麼?他的肩膀才是七大武器之首!" "保安! 可以讓人撞了又撞，撞了又撞的嗎?" "你以為
愚公移山喔，這麼大隻我能安怎?" "犯規也沒有用阿，根本就是開外掛嘛! 打屁喔!" 一般
人在與他放對的六分鐘內便會舉白旗投降。他統治了整個聯盟，令人聞風喪膽。有云:
乍聞鯊魚名，小兒不夜啼。他在中鋒這個位置上稱王了起碼有十年之久。若不是因為他的
話，石佛、真男人、溪蛙、CW4、軟豆腐、新狼王等一票6呎10吋以上的長人恐怕整個生涯
都在打中鋒，而這似乎也是個大家默認的事實。當然，並不是只有我這麼認為。
My boy Tony first planted this seed in my head a few years ago when, while
analyzing why the league had a myriad of game-changing power forwards and then
just Shaq and, for the most part, a bunch of stiffs at center, he said: "All
these big men play power forward because they don't want it with SHAQ!" Then,
several years later, I was at an AAU tournament, talking about the upcoming
2004 Draft class and an NBA scout lamented how Shaq had scared away all the big
men. "There's no way that guy should be a power forward." He was talking about
Dwight Howard who, if you remember, entered the NBA projected as a four. The
Magic had workmen like Kelvin Cato and Tony Battie holding down the middle
until Dwight finally decided to take logical ownership of the center position
a couple seasons ago.
讓我萌生這個想法的是犬子Tony。數年前他正在探討聯盟中的一個獨特現象: 那些生猛有
勁足以左右比賽戰局的大個子們通常都是打大前鋒，而打中鋒的通常都是那些只會做苦工
跟努力犯規的三流小咖。"他們光聽到鯊魚的名字就快尿褲子了，哪還敢去打中鋒跟他放對
阿。" 數年後我在一個業餘的籃球錦標賽跟一位球探談論即將到來的2004年選秀，而他抱
怨著鯊魚把很多大個子都嚇跑了。 "這小鬼怎麼會去打大前鋒呢?" 這是鯊魚對魔獸當時的
評鑑。在剛開始的幾個球季魔獸還未改造完成時魔術還是由Cato跟Battie這些苦工擔任中
鋒，直到前幾季魔獸突然又想不開，於是決定擔任先發中鋒的位置。
That was the deal back then. Squads routinely took their stud -- their most
gifted, athletic, talented big men -- and made them PFs. The consensus back
then was that these new big men shouldn't be imprisoned by "the paint." They
saved "the paint" and center position for worker bees, big men that could and
should focus on the game's grimier tasks because they weren't capable of the
more graceful and dynamic flourishes.
於是在那個年代最常見到的現象便是球隊會把其最有潛力、最有天賦、最威猛的大個兒安
排到大前鋒的位置上。他們就像溫室中的花朵被保護的好好的，活動範圍不受限於禁區內
，而那些骯髒的活便交給那些球技不足，幹架有餘的肌肉棒子去搞定。
This was half truth and half rhetoric. Underneath all that rationale was a
dirty secret. Players, coaches and management wanted to shield their most
prized franchise commodities from the physical AND emotional damage that came
from not only playing Shaq's position, but having the Shaq Assignment. Why?
He'd "make 'em quit."
雖然這麼說有點誇大，不過這種看似齷齪的手段是球隊唯一能夠採取來保護珍貴長人的方
法。鯊魚並非浪得虛名，雖然他沒辦法把鞋子拿來當吹風機用，但他所能造成的肉體以及
精神上的損害，是很容易讓這些球員自暴自棄跑去落人群中住的。
Back in 1988, Sports Illustrated put an old game photo of Wilt and Russell on
its cover with the title "The Vanishing Center." The article ("Where Are They")
seems silly in hindsight, now that we know the 90s was a decade of Pat Ewing,
The Dream, The Admiral, Dikembe, 'Zo and Shaq. The premature and worrisome
doomsday rhetoric of the SI piece was fairly warranted at that time, though.
Ewing had yet to develop, Dream had digressed a bit, Ralph Sampson was
imploding, David Robinson was still in a Navy uniform and the previous
generation of great centers (Mo' Malone, Kareem, The Chief) was getting old.
Jack McCallum, one of the great basketball writers of our time, saw changes --
some subtle, some seismic -- that were marginalizing the once epic position.
Changes in defense (swarming defenders), changes in players (Be Like Magic) and
changes in the game (bigger, better players) were threatening to turn centers
into the Ringo Position.
在1988的時候，某一期的運動畫刊將一場張大帥對決Bill Russell的比賽照片當做封面，
並訂下了標題"消失的密室"...阿抱歉 是"消失的中鋒"。其中一篇文章"眾裡尋他千百
度"若依照許多鄉民放馬後砲的能力可能會被噓到XX，因為我們都知道90年代存在著許多
偉大的中鋒: 大猩猩Ewing、夢幻的歐拉、海軍上將、至今年齡和全名仍為謎的老木、晨
星以及鯊魚。這些偉大球員的出現適度緩和了運動畫刊當時過早的憂慮。不過當時Ewing
尚欠磨練，歐拉與傳統中鋒的打法有些許的偏差，Ralph Sampson已經不行了，海軍上將
雖渾身肌肉但還略顯稚嫩。上一代的傳奇中鋒們(摩西馬龍、天鉤、酋長)也已經老態龍鍾
。Jack McCallum是一位當時非常有名的籃球專欄作家，而他也開始察覺到一些讓中鋒重要
性逐漸降低的變化。當然他和糗爺不同，有看比賽有研究，此跟靈性絕對毫無關係。比賽
中防守強度的上升(我還是覺得那時候的防守真的是很激烈)、球員型態的轉變(如Magic這
般可身兼數職的球員)、以及球員對抗性的增加(更大!更硬!更壯!)等等因素都慢慢的降
低了中鋒的地位。
As it happened, the five spot was salvaged and power forwards continued to play
the brute role. Charles Oakley, AC Green, Otis Thorpe -- they were the goons.
The centers were the stars. And if the 6-foot-10 Hakeem Olajuwon or Alonzo
Mourning would have come into the league after Shaq, they'd have been power
forwards.
不過上述偉大中鋒的出現又將潮流導回以中鋒為主的時代，而大前鋒依然是一個負責幹
粗活的角色。Oakley、Green、Thorpe等人可以說是隊上的第一打手，而中鋒則是隊上的
一哥。如果單單6呎10吋的歐拉和晨星是在鯊魚之後才進聯盟的，那麼他們八成也會轉
去打大前鋒的位置。
I mean, Shaq came in the league and immediately started abusing his elders.
Not stiffs, like Benoit Benjamin, but real dudes. What Shaq used to do to Ewing
and Robinson was kinda disrespectful when you look back at it. My Pops used to
marvel at how this young 23- or 24-year-old was manhandling men. At some point
, defenders literally gave up. I've seen a few -- Dikembe Mutombo comes to mind
-- that would actually look up, as if they're asking God for help. ("Help me
God, for this angry, behemoth man is shattering me.") Teenagers saw that and
probably thought, "I can't cope with that ... I better get an 18-footer."
你要知道，鯊魚從一進聯盟開始虐待他的前輩們了。不是只針對Benoit Benjamin這種咖
小，而是那些當時赫赫有名的明星中鋒。現在回顧一些鯊魚對待大猩猩和海軍上將的行為
，你只會覺得他怎麼這麼靠盃，一點都不敬老尊賢。當時我老爸總是會為這23、4歲的小
夥子的盧小程度感到驚奇。在很多時侯，防守者基於生命安全的理由就放棄了。我自己也
看過幾個，而印象最深刻的便是那愛搖手指的老木。他們常會無語問蒼天，試著從上帝那
得到一點幫助 (神阿 救救我吧!一把年紀了，一個戒指都沒有，還要被史前巨獸摧殘，
天道何在阿!) 年輕一輩的看到鯊魚打球後心理都會OS:(籃球場是很危險滴，趕快回寢室
吧，反正還有魔獸跟ptt。)
No player will ever admit this. KG -- no less capable of playing center than
Robinson -- would never reveal, "Man, I probably should've been a center, but
that was Shaq's position and I ain't Shaq." GMs won't either. And, perhaps,
maybe they don't even realize it. Maybe it's one of those shameful admissions
that folks want to keep to themselves.
當然有尊嚴的NBA球員們都不會輕易承認這點。真男人打中鋒的能力並不會比海軍上將差
，但他也不會洩密: (我本來是要打中鋒的，但鯊魚太機掰了，況且這樣我就不能亂跑去
守對方的後衛了!) 各隊GM當然也不會，也或許他們根本沒意識到這個情況。這是NBA的
一個不能說的秘密。
When I talked to an Orlando Magic insider a couple days ago, he said they had
to "fool" Dwight into playing center. Curiously, and perhaps advantageously,
this was right around the time Diesel started slowing down from older age and
nagging injuries. I know you think it seems natural that Dwight and Andrew
Bynum and Greg Oden and Hasheem Thabeet are centers but, trust me, they'd have
found a way to fashion themselves as power forwards 10 years ago. Shaq was so
intimidating and punishing that he scared away rivals.
幾天前當我與魔術內部高層的某位人士聊天時，他跟我說他們是以誘騙的方式才使得魔獸
改打中鋒的，而條件是允許他在比賽前能夠自由的"清槍"。很湊巧的，這時的鯊魚也因為
年齡以及傷勢所苦而不復以往的威力。對大家來說魔獸、霸男、老臉狀元歐登以及
Thabeet等人打中鋒似乎是件很正常的事，但若是在十年前(別懷疑，那時歐登還沒打NBA)
，他們一定會想盡辦法轉型成為大前鋒。對任何他的對手來說，跟鯊魚對陣這件事就是
一種最恐怖的懲罰。
I'm enjoying this Shaq Revival. With Shaq regaining his mojo, it means he's
running his mouth more, which is never a bad thing. Aside from calling cats
RuPaul, these days, Shaq likes to refer to opponents as barbecued chicken;
severely appropriate, since that's really how he treated everyone -- even
his legendary elders -- for a good 12 years. He ate 'em up.
我個人是挺享受這段俠客回春季的。隨著鯊魚開始重拾活力，他那最著名的嘴砲出現的
次數也頻繁了許多，這對鄉民來說是件好事，因為這樣才多了些可以討論和戰的話題。
除了稱波許為大個中的RuPaul外，鯊魚更喜歡將他的對手們，無論是現役球員或是過去
的傳奇球星，稱做紅燒雞翅膀。我覺得這是非常中肯的。因為－－－
Shaq: 紅燒翅膀，我喜歡吃 －－－
Stern: 但是你GM說你快升天－－－
Kerr: 越快升天就越應該要拼命吃，如果現在不吃，以後沒機會再吃！
That's going to be Shaq's legacy. Unlike Wilt, he dominated in an era of
dominant big men. He dominated so much that he made some change position,
others just "quit and complain." It's what he did.
總之，這就是鯊魚會留給後人的印象。跟張大帥不同的是，他統治了一個擁有許多傳奇
中鋒的年代。 他太imba了，以至於有些人因為他而改去打大前鋒，而其餘的人所能夠做
的與波許相差無幾: 放棄比賽，上黑特砍鯊魚。
____________________________________________
有鑒於最近Shaq的回春
特別看了一下這篇 覺得還挺有趣的
就弄來博君一笑
想不到花了這麼久 囧
歡迎大家批評指教
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※ 編輯: celestial318 來自: 140.114.99.95 (03/04 14:06)
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