[外電] 雷霆—誕生在美國中部的籃球童話 part3

看板Thunder (奧克拉荷馬市雷霆)作者loserkobe (喪家犬科比)時間13年前 (2013/01/23 02:35)推噓0(0推 0噓 0→)

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Growing up, Durant told me, he was a sore loser. That all changed one day when he was 11, after he got destroyed by his father in a game of one on one in the driveway. “Of course I knew I was gonna lose,” he said. “He was so much bigger and stronger than me. He was backing me down, dunking, pushing me. He was screaming, talking trash. I scored like one point.” Little Kevin was so upset by the loss (and, presumably, by the bullying) that he burst into tears, ran into the house, locked the door and refused to let his father in. The intensity of his own crying surprised him and, after a while, inspired some self-reflection. “I sat back and thought about it and was like, What am I so mad at?” Durant told me, and in that moment, he said, he made a decision. “It’s good to be passionate, it’s good to hate losing — but I’ve got to channel it the right way,” he said. “You know what I mean? And after a while I just started to learn to leave it where it’s at, get rid of it. Once you’re done and you’re off the court or out of the venue or whatever, go back to being you.” Durant’s story touched on something I’ve thought about often while watching him play. If there’s been one consistent criticism of him, it’s that he’s not aggressive enough — that he fails to use his unearthly skills, as Jordan or Charles Barkley or Kobe would have done, to destroy everybody in his path. There are times, during games, when he seems almost removed from the action, simultaneously there and not there. I always figured that this detachment was just a byproduct of his smoothness: it looks so easy for him, when he strokes four consecutive 3-pointers or tosses in a little half-hook over two defenders, that it’s tempting to imagine he’s thinking about other things the whole time — that the real Kevin Durant is watching from a little viewing platform deep inside his own head, reading a magazine and clipping his nails, ready to re-engage fully when things get intense. But now I suspect that that uncanny stillness, that sense of remove, is the outward manifestation of Durant’s internal control, a sign of his fluency in moving between worlds: aggressive and relaxed, nasty and nice. Occasionally you can see Durant moving between those worlds, and the transition is jarring. There are moments, for instance, when he dunks and in his excitement begins to stare down his opponent, showboat-style, and you think, No, no, no, no, Kevin Durant, so much of my worldview depends on you not being the type of person who stares people down after dunks. And then, inevitably, a second or so later, he seems to catch himself and jogs back down the court to give all the credit to his teammates. You can see the impulse and the correction — the (to get Freudian for a second) ego and the superego. This turns out to be a useful way to think about the Thunder. In “ Civilization and Its Discontents,” Freud argues that humans are ruled by two warring impulses: love, which seeks to bind people into larger and larger groups, and aggression, which seeks to tear them apart. For civilization to work, on even the most basic level, each of us has to find an acceptable outlet for that antisocial aggression. Back in the driveway, Durant’s father directed his aggression toward him. Freud argues that most of us, however, learn to turn our aggression inward, where it morphs into what he calls the superego — the policeman of the psyche, watching us constantly to ensure (with its billy club of guilt) that we make choices for the benefit of the group, not just for our own egos. That psychic self-surveillance, Freud says, is one of the big prices we pay for civilization — a kind of voluntary tax we levy against ourselves for the privilege of living with others. Kevin Durant oozes superego. Even as we talked on our folding chairs after practice, I sensed a duality. He was simultaneously genuine and polished, open and guarded. This seems to be an inevitable consequence of living the life of a superstar, especially in a place like Oklahoma City. Last summer there was public outrage, in some quarters, when it was discovered that Durant ’s torso — the skin under his jersey, which by design is publicly hidden — is covered with tattoos. One evening I went to the mall to observe one of Durant’s public events. He was at a GameStop, signing copies of a new video game that featured him on its cover. I arrived to find the OKC equivalent of Beatlemania: a line of people, decked out in Thunder gear, stretching out the door and wrapping around the neighboring stores. As I approached the scene, a policeman was dragging a young man who apparently tried to get too close down an escalator. Just then a huge cheer broke out from the crowd. Durant had arrived, through a back entrance, along with a small entourage. I squeezed past the line, stood at the side of the room and watched him throughout the session. He was wearing his signature “KD” gear: hat, T-shirt, sweats. He seemed friendly but also not totally present. Between signatures and photos, he would occasionally grab his phone and sneak a text message under the table. He bantered, here and there, with a couple of kids, but mostly he was quiet and dutiful. His smile seemed automatic. I got the sense that Kevin Durant, the actual 24-year-old guy with the secret tattoos, was hardly even there that night: he was just an avatar for his own fame — this abstract thing that doesn’t actually exist but is millions of times bigger than he is. Not that that was his fault, of course. Even if Durant wanted to genuinely connect with people that night, the sheer scale made it impossible. There was too much inflow for a single person’s outflow. I got a sense of how insane it must be to live that kind of life, in which things are like that every day, everywhere. Is it even possible to be a good, thoughtful, civic-minded person under that kind of pressure? Suddenly all of those sociopathic scoring champions made sense to me. Radical detachment seemed, in a strange and sad way, almost like the proper response. Toward the end of our post-practice conversation, Durant leaned over and started unlacing his shoes. I took this as a signal that he was ready to leave. He was tired, no doubt, and had other things to do. I wrapped up our interview and thanked him for his time. He popped immediately out of his seat and walked away. After a few steps, he seemed to catch himself. He turned around, walked back and shook my hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said. Durant告訴我，小時候的他曾是一個輸不起的孩子。但其11歲那年的某一天，這一切突然發生了轉變。那日，Durant家的父子倆在車道上進行一對一的鬥牛比賽，結果小Durant慘遭敗北。“我心里當然清楚，輸的一方是自己，”Durant回憶說：“他（父親）可比我高大多了，強壯多了。他可以背身單打我，當著我的面扣籃，還使力推擠我。他語調高亢，嘴裡還講著垃圾話。我印像中，自己貌似只得到到一分的樣子。” 這場慘淡的失利（或者，推測來說，是父親表現出來的這種“恃強凌弱”），讓小 Durant深感難過不安。他突然哇哇大哭起來，衝進家裡，將自己反鎖在房間內，並且把父親拒之門外。小Durant的哭泣聲之洪亮，把他自個兒都嚇了一跳。過了一會兒，他開始進行自我反思。Durant這樣描述當時自己的想法“我靜靜地坐著沉思，然後想自己到底在氣些什麼呢？” KD對我說，在那一刻，當時尚小的他就在心裡默默做出了一個決定。“熱情昂揚當然是好事，痛恨失敗也沒有錯——但是我必須找到一個恰當的方式，去排解這些情緒。” KD解釋道：“哥們你懂我的意思吧？在那之後不久，我便開始學著不以物喜，不以己悲。一旦你完成比賽，走下球場，離開球館。。。等等諸如此類的事情結束後，就回歸原來的自己吧。” Durant口述的這個故事，恰恰觸動了我看過他比賽後的一些所思所想。如果說，優秀如 Durant者，亦長久以來承受著一種批評之音，便是對其侵略性不夠的指摘——Durant並不像飛人Jordan，或者Barkley，又或者Kobe等人那樣，運用自己出神入化的籃球技藝，把每一個擋在身前的對手摧毀殆盡。有時候，Durant在比賽中顯得彷彿游離不定，給予旁人他在場同時又似乎不在的錯綜矛盾之感。我以前總是認為，Durant的這種超然於外，是由他自身那種飄逸流暢衍生而出的：無論是連續四記的三分命中，亦或是迎著兩名防守者的半勾手投籃，一切都顯得那麼行雲流水，輕而易舉。不禁讓人臆測，其實Durant自始至終都心神不屬，在思考著其他事情—— 而那個真正的“Kevin Durant ”，站在KD內心深處的瞭望平台之上，觀察外界，洞悉世事。“他”正翻閱著一本雜誌或者修剪著自己的指甲，同時也準備著在局勢緊張的關頭再次身心合一，全神投入。但現在，我懷疑Durant身上那種不可思議的沉靜，那種超然物外的感覺，實際上是他內心掌控力的外在體現，表明Durant在兩種狀態：火花四溢和雲淡風輕，（場上的）激烈競技與（場下的）寬和待人之間，靈活轉化，切換自如。我們間或可以看到，Durant是如何在這兩個世界間游移變身的。儘管這種轉變，還並未達到完全協調的地步。舉例來說，有些時候當KD上演華麗一扣後，他會處於興奮當中，怒目而視對手，擺出一種意圖炫耀的架勢。然後我們會默想，不，不，不，不，Kevin Durant先生，請勿毀掉我們以往建立在你身上的世界觀啊，親你可不是那種在灌籃之後，會直盯得對手不敢與之對視的球員啊。片刻之後，也不過就是幾秒鐘的時間，KD幾乎必然地會拉回自己的思緒，轉身沿著球場慢慢回跑，隨後毫不吝嗇地將所有功勞都歸諸於隊友們。你能從中看到KD的情不自禁和自我糾正——而這（運用弗洛伊德那套學說來分析）就是所謂的“自我”和“超我”。（注1）事實證明，這不失為一種思考雷霆行之有效的方法。在其著作《文明及其缺憾》一書中，弗洛伊德提出人類被兩種交織存在、互相衝突著的力量所操控：愛，它力求把人們約束在越發壯大的群體當中；而人與生俱來的攻擊性，卻試圖把人們從中分撥離析（注2）。文明要想發揮它的作用，哪怕是達到其中最基礎的層次，則我們每一個人都必須找到一個可被接受的出口，去釋放自己這種反社會的攻擊性。回到KD故事中的那條車道上吧。當時Durant的父親，便對兒子展示出了自己富有攻擊性的那一面。弗洛伊德闡釋道，大多數人都學著將這種攻擊性內化於心，演進成了被他稱之為 “超我”的東西——它是靈魂的守護者，運用手中那名曰“罪惡感”的武器，時時刻刻對我們察言觀行；以確保我們做出有利於集體，而非只顧自我的選擇。弗洛伊德說，這種精神監督是我們自身為了人類文明而付出的一大代價——是一種為了換取和他人同生共存，而自願繳納的“稅費”。而Kevin Durant的身上，就流露出了這種超我意識。即使是在訓練後，我們倆坐在折疊椅上聊天之時，我也可以感覺得到他的那種雙重性——兼具了真誠懇摯和圓滑機敏，開朗外向和謹慎保守。對於一位超級明星而言，這種二元性似乎是不可避免的事情，尤其是處於諸如俄城此類地方的話。去年夏天，當Durant的紋身曝光——它們被刺在球衣所掩蓋的皮膚位置，如此刻意設計當然是想避開公眾的眼睛——還曾經激起過一部分地區的球迷怒火。有一天夜裡，我到一家購物中心觀看Durant出席公眾活動。KD將在一個電玩商舖，簽售一款嶄新的、以他為封面形象的電子遊戲。當我到達目的地，見證了等同於披頭士狂熱般的（注3）俄城公眾：人們排成一列長龍，衣飾裝扮盡顯“最炫雷霆風”，隊伍從這家店門口一直延伸至毗鄰的商場。我走近現場的時候，看到一位警員正拽著一個小伙子，顯然後者試圖過分靠近那個自動扶梯。就在此時，人群裡爆發出一陣歡呼雀躍之聲。Durant由一位個子不高的隨行人員陪同著，從後面的入口走了出來。我勉力擠過人群，站在房間的一邊，並且整場活動都在觀察著Durant。他全身穿戴著印有“ KD ”字樣的行頭：帽子，T 卹，運動衫。活動過程中，Durant看上去一直都是那樣親切和善，卻也多少有點心不在焉。簽名與合影的間歇，他不時也會掏出手機，在桌下悄悄發著短信。KD 會和幾個孩子四處逗笑，但大多數時候，他還是保持安靜，盡忠職守。到了後面，他的笑容似乎是自動化，無意識的。我油然生出一種感覺，Kevin Durant，這位紋有隱秘刺青，年方24 歲的年輕人，此時此地其實並不在這裡：今夜出現在公眾面前的，只不過是一個承載著KD 名望的化身而已— —這個抽象的化身實際上並不存在，但卻比本尊要龐大上千萬倍。這並不是Durant的錯。即使他希望誠心實意地和粉絲們交流，但單單一個和芸芸眾人之間的規模差距，也注定了此番心願是不太可能的。這邊廂有太多的人表情達意，輸入信息；而相較之下，在那邊廂輸出信息的人，卻只有Durant一個。我驀然覺得，要是每天每地，都不得不過著如此這般的生活，該會是多麼教人瘋狂的一件事。若處於此種壓力之下，還可能成為一個品行優良，深思熟慮，熱心公益的人麼？突然之間，我理解了那些歷任得分王們為何會離經叛道，不愛社交。他們以激進的姿態游離世外，用這樣一種奇異而悲哀的方式，幾乎就像是對外界做出了自己合適的回應。當結束了我們之間這番練習後的交談，Durant彎下身，開始解他的鞋帶。我了解這是他準備離開的信號。毫無疑問，他已經有些疲倦，而且還有別的事情要忙。我就此次訪談做了一下總結，並感謝他能抽空配合。話音一落，Durant迅速從座椅上起身離開。走出幾步之後，他突然像是回過了神，轉過身，走回來並同我握手：“很高興見到你。”Durant如是說。（part 3 完）本文註釋注1：本我、自我與超我 ——在心理動力學中，自我（id）、本我（ego）和超我（super-ego ）是由奧地利精神分析學家弗洛伊德之結構理論所提出，精神的三大部分。1923年，弗洛伊德提出相關概念，以解釋意識和潛意識的形成和相互關係。“本我”（完全潛意識）代表慾望，受意識遏抑；“自我”（大部分有意識）負責處理現實世界的事情；“超我”（部分有意識）是良知或內在的道德判斷。自我，自我，超我構成了人的完整的人格。人的一切心理活動都可以從他們之間的聯繫中得到合理的解釋，自我是永久存在的，而超我和本我又幾乎是永久對立的，為了協調本我和超我之間的矛盾，自我需要進行調節。若個人承受的來自本我、超我和外界壓力過大而產生焦慮時，自我就會幫助啟動防禦機制。防禦機制有：壓抑、否認、退行、抵消、投射、昇華等等。注2：《文明及其缺憾》( Civilization and its Discontents ) , 是奧地利著名精神病學家、精神分析學派心理學創始人弗洛伊德晚年的作品之一。於1929年首次出版。作者在書中指出，人的本性是攻擊性，以自我為中心，不斷追求本能慾望的滿足，而社會的發展則要求對個體的這種本能加以約束和控制。因而文明正是在個體對自由的追求和社會對遵從的要求，這一永恆的對立和衝突中得以由低級向高級不斷演進。注3: 披頭士狂熱( Beatlemania), 又可解做披頭士樂隊迷, 甲殼蟲狂等. 這是由著名的披頭士樂隊(The Beatles ) 而來的一個衍生詞,原指對20世紀60年代英國“披頭士”四人樂隊表現的狂熱情緒.也可化用為對其他人或事物的痴迷.在本文裡就是這種用法,喻指粉絲們對Durant的深切喜愛. http://bbs.hupu.com/4911026.html -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 114.42.15.152